Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
