1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
