I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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