Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
