Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
