Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
