Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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