I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize