Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Randomize
