My hand turned me down
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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