i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
