My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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