Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize