Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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