I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
