but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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