I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
