I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
