What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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