I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We need to get me chipped asap
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