Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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