Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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