I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize