do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
