Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize