This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
never play flip cup with pint glasses
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
