A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need to stop coming to work sober
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
