My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My penis needs a shock collar
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
