after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
