Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
