Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
