she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
