Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
