so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
