she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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