I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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