Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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