Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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