he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize