He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You dont lie about slip and slides
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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