That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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