What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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