I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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