Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
