I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
