I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He better not be in your backpack
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
