they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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