Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just cropdusted the office
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
