we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
