Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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