How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
