how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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