if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
