The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
