i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
