Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
