He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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