I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
