The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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