therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
