I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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