The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
