Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
