hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
