from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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