Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
