who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
