so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
