I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
