It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
