I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
