I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
