my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
