dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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