he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
