Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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