Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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