Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
