hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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