He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
