Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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