38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
