I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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