Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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