Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
