so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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