So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
