I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
