Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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