I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize