Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
