HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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