Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am available for nakedness
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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